The Conversation I Was No Longer Available For
The Conversation I Was No Longer Available For
Transitions can feel incredibly uncomfortable.
Even when we know deep down that change is necessary, there is often a period where everything feels uncertain.
Old patterns begin falling away.
Relationships shift.
Some connections deepen Last night I had a dream that stayed with me long after I woke up.
I was on a boat with some friends.
We were laughing, connecting, enjoying ourselves, and genuinely having a good time.
At some point, I wandered to a different area of the boat and found some friends from childhood.
They were excited to see me.
They welcomed me in.
They wanted me to join them.
However, just as I sat down, I noticed something immediately.
The energy felt different.
The conversation was centered around frustration.
Complaining.
Agitation.
Talking about other people.
Focusing on what was wrong.
Everything felt heavy.
I remember thinking:
I don’t want to be here.
Not because I didn’t love them.
Not because I thought I was better than them.
It was because I no longer wanted to participate in that way of being.
The Old Version of Me
For many years, I probably would have stayed.
Not because I enjoyed it, but, because I didn’t want to “rock the boat”.
I didn’t want anyone to think I was rude.
I didn’t want to make people uncomfortable.
So I would sit there.
Listening.
Absorbing.
Participating.
Even when it felt completely out of alignment.
Many of us do this.
We stay in conversations that drain us.
We participate in patterns that no longer fit.
We tolerate atmospheres that pull us away from peace.
Not because we want to, but, because we’re afraid of what will happen if we leave.
Choosing Something Different
In the dream, I finally reached a point where I decided I was done with the environment and atmosphere.
I wanted to go back to the other part of the boat.
Back to the people who were talking about life.
Joy.
Possibility.
Connection.
The things that felt alive.
When I announced I was leaving, people became upset.
They started reacting.
Questioning.
Judging.
Almost as if my choice somehow challenged theirs.
Isn’t that often how growth feels?
Sometimes when we change, people around us become uncomfortable.
Not because we’ve done something wrong, but, because our choices highlight the possibility that they could choose differently too.
The Question Nobody Expected
Before leaving, I wanted to ask them a question, but before I could speak, everyone started talking over me.
Offering their own answers.
Continuing the same pattern.
Finally, I remember becoming frustrated enough that I demanded everyone wait/ stop talking for a moment and actually listen.
Then I asked something like:
Would you rather continue feeling this way?
Would you rather stay in this frustration, sadness, and negativity?
Or would you rather take a breath and experience something different?
Feel peace?
Feel joy?
Feel gratitude?
Feel truth?
Feel what it is like to be alive?
Then I woke up.
What We Focus On Grows
The dream reminded me of something I’ve been learning in my waking life.
We all experience challenges.
Difficult situations.
Painful seasons.
Disappointments.
But where we choose to place our attention matters.
Philippians 4:8 says:
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”
That doesn’t mean pretending hard things don’t exist.
It means we get to choose where we live/ dwell/ abide.
You Are Allowed to Leave the Conversation
One of the biggest messages I took from this dream was simple:
You are allowed to leave conversations, environments, and patterns that continually pull you away from peace.
You do not have to stay simply because you always have.
You do not have to participate simply because everyone else is.
You do not have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to make others comfortable.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is lovingly excuse yourself and return to what feels aligned.
The Same Boat, Different Experience
What fascinates me most about the dream is that we were all on the same boat.
The difference wasn’t the circumstances.
The difference was the focus.
One group was focused on frustration.
The other was focused on connection and life.
The external environment was the same.
The internal experience was completely different.
Questions to Reflect On
What conversations am I continually participating in that drain me?
What atmosphere am I creating within myself?
Where am I staying out of habit rather than alignment?
What would happen if I chose peace more often?
Final Thoughts
Maybe growth is not always about adding something new.
Maybe sometimes it is simply recognizing what you are no longer available for.
Not from judgment.
Not from superiority.
But from love.
Love for yourself.
Love for your peace.
Love for the life God is inviting you into.
And maybe the question is not:
“What boat am I on?”
Maybe the question is:
“Which part of the boat am I choosing to spend my time in?”
Until next time, please know that you are treasured.
~ Natalie
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